Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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