I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
smell my finger.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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