Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
