It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
