you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize