Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
