I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
