if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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