He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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