Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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