You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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