If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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