Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
