i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
