i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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