I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Damn victory sex feels great
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
