Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
