I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
