i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
