She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
