Sponge bath it is.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nutella sex= disaster
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
