I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
