His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
