Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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