thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
