I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My ATM looks so different sober.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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