I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
