peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I stole a fireplace last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
