Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize