Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
