I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize