I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
