The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
