Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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