im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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