wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize