if only i could text you this smell
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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