somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
