We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
