Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
