Swine flu. Run for my life!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
