Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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