nut hugger
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
