remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize