I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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