Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
