Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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