i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
