Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
