I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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