Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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