I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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