And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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