even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
