I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
