If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
