i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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