i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
