Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
