why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
