do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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