hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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