Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
