so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
