bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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