We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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