I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
