I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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