I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
