so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
