Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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