When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
