Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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