Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The air was thick with penises
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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