I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
