Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
