i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize