Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
