Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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