it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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