I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
