I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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