i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
