my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
