mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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