i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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