Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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