whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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