Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
