me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
