He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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